Dunno what to do with myself

Undergrad - thought its too early to have clarity
Masters - Wandering hopelessly in a desperate search for clarity
PhD ???
What do I want to do ? I dunno.
I was happy with that answer for far too long.
Its starting to get frustrating now.

H.*ness

Hopelessness and Happiness. Happiness in Hopelessness. There's one episode in Seinfeld where George says, " I am hopeless. I am so hopeless that I am now happy being hopeless. In fact hopelessness is my only hope for being happy now". I think the concept is interesting and I think it works too. I think the one thing that is better than hope is hopelessness. It can't be that devastating if it is taken in the right spirit. It might sound crazy but in my opinion one can find happiness in hopelessness. Well, I do. And No, I am not depressed. And No again, I am not a sad person.

Back on Track

After 2 weeks of restlessness and laziness, am finally back on track with my running. 7.1 miles with raised inclination in the last one mile. Well, a productive afternoon. A pat on the back for myself.

ED 101

Yesterday, I had been to the Big Trees Rail Road at Santa Cruz. It's a very good fun place for old people and people with little kids (Translate it as "Not for me"). Anyways, the picture of a boiler for the steam engine brought back memories of Engineering Drawing class which we had to take as Freshmen at my Undergrad College, IITM.

We had a one hour theory class and a 3 hour drawing class every week. So we were supposed to listen to the class(!) and then learn the stuff and draw it in the drawing class(can't help but be vague for I don't remember anything). For me it meant run(literally) to the theory class 15 min late and doze off. As for the drawing class, all credit goes to the only other female and my best buddy in the class, Neeharika. She used to give me a running commentary of what she was doing and I used to follow her. That meant drawing a line if she did and erasing it if she did it. Wouldn't have survived without her. Final exam was enlightening to say the least :).

I miss those days.

Saint Ralph

Last two weeks have been really bad for my running. The previous ones were good in the sense every time I ran I increased my distance by 1 mile and I came up to 7.1 miles in 65 min on the treadmill with zero degree inclination. I believe its much harder to run outside but I do think I have this mental block and can train much harder if I am in the gym. Lately I have been getting too restless and unable to run as I was able to before. Hopefully will get back on track before its too late. To get some motivation, I started watching some sports dramas and came across the movie "Saint Ralph". The movie is based on the true story of a 14 year old who believes he can win the Boston marathon, thereby perform a miracle and get his mom out of coma. The innocence of the kid is well portrayed. The things that struck me were:

1. The kid believed he can win the marathon.

2. He trained hard, every day, not missing a single day of practice.

3. At the starting of the movie, he was known in the town as a wanker but by the end he was known for his running. Bottom line, he doesn't care what people think.

4. There isn't an iota of self pity on the part of the boy.

Now, this is starting to look vaguely familiar as the moral of the story we had to write after each story in our English textbook in our third grade. So I better stop.

Favorite dialogue from the movie : "It wasn't God. It was the bump on your head." :)

Self Pity

Just finished watching the movie G.I. Jane by Ridley Scott. The movie is a good watch but just not too good. Anyways, there's this poem by D.H. Lawrence which comes up in the movie more than once which is gonna stay on my wall for quite some time.

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.

PS: Talking of movies, saw this movie "The boy in striped pyjamas" yesterday. Do yourself a favour and watch the movie.