A matter of Concern

I got up twice last night in pain and popped some pain killers ( after of course cleaning my mouth with salt water etc etc because it just feels like garbage all the time). I miss my Mom now and all I need in the world is to be with her right now. Of all the people I know, the one most concerned right now is my Mom and I for sure know that the concern is genuine. Actually she is concerned all the time but i brush it off when i don't need it and go for it when I do. Is that a matter of concern?

(sometime in Fall'10)

Still Sick...

...and it sucks even more. Its been about more than a week that I am sick and my body doesn't seem to be doing anything to recover as the doctor "wisely" suggested. I think my immune system is taking a nice little vacation of its own when an army of invaders is at its door steps. Actually no, the army of invaders is looting its country and making its inhabitants miserable. As I lie in this bed trying to be positive, I think of my immune system to be a race horse which won't let me down. But its hard to think of it that way for long. My race horse is just lying on its back on the ground at the start line refusing to move or budge and doesn't listen to me anymore. and as I keep thinking , I think I have decided to marry a good general physician who would take care of me whenever I am sick. That way I needn't make an appointment or call or listen to crap like your body will react fast and take care of the infection.

All this might make me sound like a sissy but in my defense I have had a burning mortar in my throat for the past 6 days, had only hot liquids and no real food. All this while having to worry about assignments and projects and midterms. Being sick sucks. School sucks. Being sick at school..... my vocabulary is limited.

Sick.

Sick for the first time in the US and hows the feeling? Well obviously not very good. My tonsils are white with infection and my head hurts. I feel weak. Part of the reason obviously being sick and part of it due to the fact that swallowing anything hard is painful. The cold makes the infected tonsils hurt even more. Long story short, I am in misery. All the doctor says is that he is giving pills to make me feel comfortable. my ass. He prescribed a bunch of pain killers which 5 different ones for every six hours which could effectively put me to sleep the whole day ( which I obviously cannot afford to).
Side effects of being sick:
1. Thinking about home.
2. Rethinking about the whole concept of isolation.
3. Evaluating people's reactions.
4. Thinking about when the entire thing comes to end.
5. 1 thru 4 should have already suggested this 5th thing which is not getting any work done.

Dunno what to do with myself

Undergrad - thought its too early to have clarity
Masters - Wandering hopelessly in a desperate search for clarity
PhD ???
What do I want to do ? I dunno.
I was happy with that answer for far too long.
Its starting to get frustrating now.

H.*ness

Hopelessness and Happiness. Happiness in Hopelessness. There's one episode in Seinfeld where George says, " I am hopeless. I am so hopeless that I am now happy being hopeless. In fact hopelessness is my only hope for being happy now". I think the concept is interesting and I think it works too. I think the one thing that is better than hope is hopelessness. It can't be that devastating if it is taken in the right spirit. It might sound crazy but in my opinion one can find happiness in hopelessness. Well, I do. And No, I am not depressed. And No again, I am not a sad person.

Back on Track

After 2 weeks of restlessness and laziness, am finally back on track with my running. 7.1 miles with raised inclination in the last one mile. Well, a productive afternoon. A pat on the back for myself.

ED 101

Yesterday, I had been to the Big Trees Rail Road at Santa Cruz. It's a very good fun place for old people and people with little kids (Translate it as "Not for me"). Anyways, the picture of a boiler for the steam engine brought back memories of Engineering Drawing class which we had to take as Freshmen at my Undergrad College, IITM.

We had a one hour theory class and a 3 hour drawing class every week. So we were supposed to listen to the class(!) and then learn the stuff and draw it in the drawing class(can't help but be vague for I don't remember anything). For me it meant run(literally) to the theory class 15 min late and doze off. As for the drawing class, all credit goes to the only other female and my best buddy in the class, Neeharika. She used to give me a running commentary of what she was doing and I used to follow her. That meant drawing a line if she did and erasing it if she did it. Wouldn't have survived without her. Final exam was enlightening to say the least :).

I miss those days.